I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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