They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize