Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
