the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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