I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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