I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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