On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
