is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize