worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
