My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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