I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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