ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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