nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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