We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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