i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
