I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
