R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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