so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
