I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I lost the right to judge tonight
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
