Already got asked if we're dating
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
