Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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