our cab driver is having phone sex.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Let's get the cat blown out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
