so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
