he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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