you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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