im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
