and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
not ubering you a puppy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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