sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
