the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Houston, we have a blender
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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