I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize