Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
