Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Less talking, more tequila
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
