i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
