I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize