The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize