i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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