Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
