I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
