Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
