oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
