I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
