I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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