I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
