the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
