I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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