i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
