thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
