found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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