Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
