Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
