That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Farmville is her only friend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
