Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
