you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
