I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
