There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
