I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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