you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
