So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
