So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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