Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
