Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
