you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize