I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
