Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my sisters under your porch take her home
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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