Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
