So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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