Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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