im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
