you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
