Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
