My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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