this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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