I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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