I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
