There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize