Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
