I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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